Happy Birthday

Well!

Today is my 42nd birthday, and I've already received my first present. 

I got a warning from a police officer.

I was on my way to work, and I slowed to avoid a car who had slipped on some ice, when I hit a patch of ice myself.  In order to miss the other car, I accellerated, and took the car around a corner.  At this point, a police car that was hidden in a nearby parking lot turned on its lights, and flagged me down.  The officer asked for my driver's license, but didn't look at it, instead deciding to lecture me on the importance of safe driving. 

I'm not really sure how long the lecture lasted; I wasn't really listening to the officer.  I was looking at the clock, and thinking about being late.  Again.  Anyway, at some point the officer noticed my inattentiveness, and bumped me, to get my attention back.  I apologized, and told him that I really needed to get to work, and that while my tardiness is (virtually) habitual, extended tardiness could lead to job loss, and I really needed the medical insurance, given my health.  The officer then looked at my license.  His eyes popped open for a moment, and he glanced in my direction, then back to my license.

At this point the officer said that he was going to give me a birthday present.  Expecting a ticket, I was pleasantly surprised when he only gave me a warning.  He then told me to have a nice birthday, and that ended the event.

I'm told that today will likely be more of a positive time, and not getting a traffic ticket could conceivably be considered a positive thing, but so far my birthday has been a real pain in the @&&.  I can only hope that the day gets better.  Maybe I could win the lottery, hmm... ?

Mom, I Want to Be Paid!

A friend of mine sent me a note about a demand her son made to her.  She didn't really know what to do, and I made a few suggestions.  Her son has since stopped making such demands.  Here is an guess I made regarding their conversation, based on my suggestions:

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So, you want to be paid a wage, and live separately from your family, hmm?
• Yes! Josh M. does it with his family, and he always has money!

Yes, well, Josh has a special arrangement with his family.  Josh’s parents operate their own business, and Josh works as a regular employee.
• Yeah, but he always has money!

You want us to pay you like Josh?  Well I suppose we could work this out.  We aren’t a business, so I suppose we’ll just have to pay for your chores, instead of giving you an allowance.  Is that acceptable?
• Yes!

All right, let’s begin with your basic work time.  How long do you plan to do chores each day?
• 2 hours.

OK. Do you plan on doing chores on Saturday & Sunday?
• No (frowning)

OK.  Because of your youth and inexperience, you’ll be making minimum wage, $8 an hour.
• Cool! That means I’ll get $80 a week!

Hmm.  Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.  You mentioned that you want the room over the garage to live in.  You knew that we were planning to rent it out for a little extra income, didn’t you?
• Yes.

Well, we could let you have it at a reduced rate.
• !!!  You’re going to charge me rent?!

That’s what comes of living alone.  Also, given that you will be eating here, we’ll only charge a pittance for food; but since you’ll have your own phone, you’ll have to pay that charge as well.
• !!!

Of course, we’ll have to consider the other expenses that come with living alone.  For example there’s the power bill …
• !!!

… then there’s the water usage and sewage fees …
• !!! !!!

… and of course you’ll have to cope with sick days, and off time.  I assume you’ll want to take days off from chores to be with your friends?
• Of course!

Well, we can’t be asked to pay you for work you didn’t do, so those days you won’t be included in your pay.
• !!!

Of course, we haven’t even begun with taxes.
• WHAT!!!!!!

It’s a common fact that when you’re working, you have to pay taxes.  Let’s see, I believe the low rate is about 20%, plus the other necessary deductions, hmm… let’s make it an even 25%.
• !!! !!! !!! (unprintable) !!!

Watch your language!  Say, did you plan on getting your own health insurance, or did you plan on keeping with your family’s arrangement?
• …um…

Hmm, I’m sure I’m missing something… I know!  TV!  We pay the Cable Company $75 a month.  Since you’ll be watching a lot of TV, you’ll have to pay your share.  Our family is made up of you, your father, your two sisters, and myself—that's five of us all told.  From now on you’ll be responsible for your share, one-fifth, which is $15 per month.
• But…

We were planning on including the TV costs in the rent for our new lessee, but if you’d rather get your own cable line, you can always pay the full amount—along with the hook-up fee of $100.  And there’s always the option of skipping cable altogether, and just using the old rabbit ears—the reception with those is rather lousy, but you get what you pay for.
• Uh, Mom?

Yes dear?
• Just forget the whole thing, OK?

Are you sure that’s what you want?
• Yeah, I’m sure.

All right dear. Now go take out the garbage, won’t you?