I was a sorcerer in AD&D. Here I hope to be interesting--at least to someone.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Mom

It’s taken me a long time to write this, but I feel it necessary to get it out into the open. I’m told that this is one the twelve-steps of Grief.

Have you ever noticed that there is a twelve-step program for dealing with virtually any condition?

My mother died a couple of weeks ago. She had been in the hospital to have a large colon tumor removed (benign) two months before, when the doctors discovered another tumor (unknown at this time) that completely enveloped her liver. After some serious consultations, the medical staff determined that the tumor was inoperable. The family was given two options. One, she could be treated with chemotherapy, and would likely live another 6 months. Two, she could go home and receive hospice care until she died (approximately two weeks). The family decided to go with hospice care. Mom lived about 2 ½ months.

Now, while the statement above gives a very basic listing of the events leading to my mother’s demise, there are several points I feel I need to make regarding them.

First, I was not told about my mother’s condition or her upcoming surgery until 8 hours prior to the surgery. My family had been discussing it (outside my company) for two-to-three months. Second, I was not informed of her post-surgical condition until 6 hours after the surgery (I was at work). Third, my family made the decision regarding her post-surgical care outside my presence; I had no voice in the matter. Fourth, my siblings have been treating me like an incompetent child since the operation, and even more so since the funeral.

I am a forty-two year-old man. I have had my share (more, sometimes) of pitfalls, disappointments, etc. I am not a child. I am not the family moron who can’t be trusted; the black sheep who can neither take care of himself, nor make important decisions. Yet this is the way my sibs have been treating me, and I am not going to take this abuse any longer.

I am not the big family success story that has always been expected of me. I am the eldest son – but not the eldest child – in my family. I am a liberal (leaning toward moderate) in a highly conservative family. I am gay. I am suffering from several irritating and rather painful health issues. I do indeed have memory problems, but I learned long ago to write things down if they are important. I realize that I don’t fit in to the family just like everyone else, but I am still a family member, and I deserve the respect from my sibs that I have always given them.

Perhaps at some future time I can “have it out” with my siblings. It would take a lot of work on my part; I doubt it would be easy to get them together, let alone willing to talk about this, but I refuse to let them walk all over me simply because my mother isn’t around to intercede.

I will post the results of the siblings’ meeting with me when it occurs, but don’t expect any miraculous change in them. Besides, it may be several months before it happens, and I have to live my life until then.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Message to the Senate

I live in a relatively small town, and I work at the same place that my father worked. I do this because it's the only way I can get health insurance. My dreams of seeing the world died when I found out I had a genetic disease. I want to have health insurance regardless of employment, previous health condition, or wealth. I also want everyone in the USA to have the same option. I want you to consider the fact that if you weren't working for the government, you could find yourself without health insurance. If you can't bring yourself to think about those of us who have to make every day count towards decent health care, you should resign your office and give it to someone who does.